Numb: I Can't Feel You There
by Donner Dumott Schunard
Summary: Kurama is angry at himself from when he cheated Death and even altered his human form. Wanting to ruin anything ever perfected by himself, he gets obsessed into the world of Self-Mutilation. Chapt Song: I'm Not Okay (I Promise) My Chemical Romance
1. Reflection: Numb, Linkin Park

Welcome to my new Fanfiction, Numb: I Can't Feel You There! Okay, Let's start!  
  
TITLE: Numb: I Can't Feel You There  
  
AUTHORESS: Gabbi: Queen of Kurama Torture  
  
SUMMARY: Kurama is angry at himself from when he cheated Death and even altered his human form. Wanting to ruin anything ever perfected by himself, he gets obsessed into the world of Self-Mutilation.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Numb, YYH, or Kurama. I do, however, own this plot. Please do not steal my ideas without my permission. I hate that.  
  
WARNINGS: Self-Mutilation, Kurama Torture, Yaoi, Rape?, Cirtrus?, Songfic to Numb, ~*Song Lyrics*~, Suicide?, Character Death?, OOC.  
  
PAIRINGS: HieixKurama, for now. Pairings are subject to come and go.   
  
NOTES: I keep reading all these fanfics of Hiei doing things like this. I love these fics and all, but why not Kurama? Count on the queen of Kurama Torture to think of this. I love Linkin Park and this song is the coolest!  
  
DEDICATION: This one is to all the people that have followed my insane escapades through fanfiction. Anyone who dared to put me in their faves. And, of course, my Torture Family, Dark Kurama, Karen Rhine, and DeFlIs. Luv ya!  
  
RATING: R  
  
EDITED BY: C-Kun  
  
FINAL WARNING: Please, this fic is not for the sqwimish. Kurama's cutting gets pretty graphic. So if you don't like blood and stuff, don't read. Please.  
  
FINAL NOTE: If your name is Casey "C-Kun" Robinson, this is the fic that Kurama punches out a mirrior.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Numb: I Can't Feel You There  
  
Chapter I: Reflection  
  
***  
  
~*I'm tired of being what you want me to be,  
  
Feeling so Faithless,  
  
Lost under the surface*~  
  
"Look what I did to myself..." Kurama whispered. He fingered through his long, red hair. "I don't even look human. Why did I listen to my whims... I became something I am not..."  
  
He peered at his forlorn, dark green eyes.  
  
"I am lost within myself..." he whispered. "I can't feel anything..."  
  
~*I don't know what you're expecting of me*~  
  
"My 'Kassan' has no clue... and it's all because of YOU."  
  
He pointed to his reflection in the mirror that had become Youko's.  
  
Youko's eyes narrowed. "You brought this upon yourself. We are one person. I am just instinct. I altered us and I am happy."  
  
"HAPPY?!" Kurama screamed. "We killed Shiori's baby!"  
  
(A/N: It is okay Love... we will gets the Preciousss... oh...! Wrong thing!)  
  
"The baby was to die in childbirth! We were strong enough to survive!"  
  
"Why did we alter destiny, then? Maybe she wasn't ment to have the baby...."  
  
"Youko snorted. "You have got to be kidding me..."  
  
"No," Kurama snapped. "I mean it. We sinned. We cheated Death."  
  
"Going to Hell sure won't hurt. I've been through worst," Youko's eyes narrowed. "Being in this Godsforsaken body with you..."  
  
Kurama screamed. He pulled his arm back and punched out the mirror. It shattered instantly. The glass cut most of his open skin.  
  
"Gack..." He cradled his bad hand.  
  
"SHUICHI!"  
  
(A/N: When C-Kun proofread this part, he screamed like a girl and said, "Shuichi's gotta be the worst name you can name your kid... Kurama is so much better..." C-Kun's my editor... he hates Broken Toy though...)  
  
She tried to open up the door.  
  
~*Put under the pressure,  
  
Of walking in your shoes...  
  
[Caught in the Undertow, Just caught in the Undertow]  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you...  
  
[Caught in the undertow, Just caught in the Undertow]*~  
  
"Foolish!" Youko snapped.  
  
Kurama laughed and passed out.  
  
Shiori opened the door with a Bobbie Pin [1]  
  
She screamed his name again.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Kurama awoke in pain. He felt his arm bandaged against his side.  
  
"You're awake..." Yusuke whispered.  
  
"Hai..." Kurama said softly.  
  
'Dammit...' Kurama thought.  
  
'What do you mean?!' Youko asked sharply. 'Besides, punching out a mirror can't keep you dead...'  
  
Kurama groaned. 'I know...'  
  
"Kurama?" Kuwabara asked. He, too, was there.  
  
"Ano... where's Hiei?" the fox asked.  
  
"Selfish guy... didn't want to come..."  
  
'What a shame... I wanted to play...' Youko moaned.  
  
"You wouldn't touch him if you dare!" Kurama hollared.  
  
"Whoa! Kurama, calm down!" Yusuke yelled.  
  
"Urameshi... he must be just tired..." Kuwabara warned.  
  
"Daijobu!" Kurama yelled.  
  
"Okay..." they said wearily.  
  
Kurama looked at the ground.   
  
Yusuke put his arm out and patted Kurama's back.  
  
Kurama turned to him, his eyes wide.  
  
~*I've  
  
Become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
Become so tired,  
  
So much more aware,  
  
I'm becoming this,  
  
All I want to do,  
  
Is be more like me,  
  
And be less like you*~  
  
Kurama felt suddenly cold and... numb.  
  
Numb. Simple word...  
  
'Kurama?!' Youko yelled.  
  
Kurama's pupils looked dialated.  
  
"Kurama?!" Yusuke and Kuwabara yelled, "Are you okay?!"  
  
Kurama just stared at him. "I..."  
  
He passed out.  
  
"Get a doctor!" Yusuke yelled.  
  
Kuwabara ran. Yusuke saw that he had tons of cuts from the glass.  
  
"Why did he do this?!" Yusuke yelled.  
  
'I don't want to be you... I don't want to be you... I don't want to be you...' Kurama repeated in his head. 'I DON'T WANT TO BE A MURDERER!'  
  
'GIVE UP!' Voices yelled. 'YOU MURDERED ROTO, KARASU, AND MANY MORE! YOU KNOW THAT!'  
  
'I didn't mean to!'  
  
'BUT YOU DID!'  
  
Kurama felt like the mirror he smashed. Every part of him was nothing. It didn't feel anything. It was... numb...  
  
~*And I know,  
  
I may end up failing too,  
  
But I know,  
  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you*~  
  
'It doesn't matter if I die!' Kurama thought. 'IF I DIE, YOU'LL DIE TOO, YOUKO!'  
  
He got up in a dark realm. He saw a long green dagger, like his eyes.  
  
His eyes narrowed slightly at the glint of the blade.  
  
'So beautiful...'  
  
'What the hell are you doing?!' Youko screamed.  
  
'Something...' Kurama took the dagger and pressed it against a light scar from his battle with Touya.  
  
'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!' Youko screamed.  
  
Plip...  
  
plip...  
  
Too late...  
  
Blood spilt against the dark ground.  
  
And Kurama laughed.  
  
~*I've   
  
Become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
Become so tired,  
  
So much more aware,  
  
I'm becoming this,  
  
All I want to do,  
  
Is be more like me,  
  
And be less like you*~  
  
Kurama picked the dagger up again and slashed it across the other arm.  
  
The blood just poured more, like a crimson river, like the way his hair falls down his shoulders.  
  
'KURAMA! STOP!' Youko screamed.  
  
Kurama didn't. He still slashed.   
  
And slashed...  
  
And slashed...  
  
His arms were nothing but bloody parts of him streaching out from his body.  
  
'Long as I am not like you, Youko,' Kurama said, closing his eyes.  
  
~*I've become so numb  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
Is everything what you want me to be,  
  
I've become so numb,  
  
I can't feel you there,  
  
Is everything what you want me to be?*~  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
THE SONG IS ON RIGHT NOW!  
  
R&R and I shall continue!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
[1]= My mom does this to me all the time. She picks the lock... X_X; 


	2. Reconcile: I Miss You, Blink 182

Gabbi: Wow… the little ficlet that could… o_O;

Gamgee X: Hey!  This is kinda fun!

Gabbi: And you know it, Gamgee!

Gamgee X: Let's reply!

Gabbi: Yeah! Now that I can do **bold**, _italics_, and underline it's going to be so much easier!

Gamgee X: OOH! Clay Akien's on!

Gabbi: Aww! He's so cute! He's such a nerd!

Gamgee X: Yeah!

Gabbi: Replies:

**Kaya-Anna**- Nah, I am not the one that's good with the plots and stuff, I got friends like you to help me with inspiration! But the plot was kinda in my head for ages… it just took a song like Numb to stick out and ultimately do it. Plus, I dunno if you saw the music video, there is a girl that has scars on her arms from self-mutilation. Linkin Park Rules!

**Dancer Of Falling Rain- **That's such a cool name!  Okay, I shall update so I don't face the wrath of a teenager… eeeck…

**Bluebell- **I pray you don't consider cutting yourself ever again. But the fact does help for the plot of this story.  I was reading _Confidential Confessions_ in a bookstore and that helps too.  It told me tons of little facts about cutting as well.  But please, don't cut ever again.

**Dark Koorime0-0**- So... you have learned that royal titles never lie?

**DragonBlade**- Please... you know me, I will be sure to continue!

**Yami's-girl- **I live to serve XDD;

**Night Fox Hiten- blushes** I am not that good… I am really bad and you all know it… ;

Gamgee X: Thanks for the reviews!

Gabbi: Yes! Thanks!  This is a new songfic chapter. It is "I Miss You" by Blink 182… it's not a half-bad song… ^_^ **_~*Song Lyrics are like this now*~_**

I still don't own the song, though.

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Numb: I Can't Feel You There 

****

Chapter II:  Reconcile 

****

**_***_**

****

**_~*Hello there, Angel from my nightmare*~_**

****

          The girls were sobbing and crying loudly.  The boys were trying to keep straight faces.  It was like someone died.

          It basically was.  Kurama was in a hospital, and feared to have some sort of depression.  But there was something that had people wonder.

          _Why?_

          Kurama was struggling, his nightmares in his unconscious state were horrid.  Youko was like an angel and devil at the same time to him.  Youko wanted to mend his wounds, but he refused.

**_~*_****_The shadow in the background of the morgue  
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley  
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want*~_**

****

****He just went through the same dream, Youko would always come in a pure white rob with a strong rob.  He would be facing him in pure white robes as well.  But then he would take a thing of blood and dump it on him.

(A/N: Think _Carrie_…)

          Kurama would end up covered in the crimson liquid, which would always match his hair, until at one point his hair got darker.

          As the nightmare kept repeating, his hair slowly became black.

          Whenever Youko tried to clean him, he refused and ran, always falling in a valley that was black and unpredictable.  And then he would see Hiei, wanting to be with him and live... well... normal.  And whenever he tried, it always would turn into Youko, trying to reach him, but then he ran again, then the dream repeated.

          He wanted to wake up, but every time he tried, he didn't.  And then the nightmare resumed.

~*Where you can always find me  
We'll have Halloween on Christmas  
And in the night we'll wish this never ends  
We'll wish this never ends*~

****

        He always got closer and closer, though.  More and more, he saw Hiei.  His thoughts always became a little clearer and his hopes did too.  He wanted more than anything to be with Hiei, in a place that Hiei can finally go home to.  They would never have to do things how anyone wanted them to.  They could celebrate Hiei's birthday on the first day of winter for all he cared.  They could go into times of pure bliss and just hope that it would never end…

~*(I miss you I miss you)  
(I miss you I miss you)*~

****

        Shiori, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Puu, and Keiko all waited in the waiting room again.  Yusuke hated waiting rooms.  They always gave him memories of a long time ago... but they didn't really matter now.

        Shiori was still scared by what she saw in the bathroom.  Her son surrounded in glass.  Blood staining the tile...  and what sounded like someone yelling at another person...

        'Shuichi... I miss you... please be okay...' Shiori thought.

~*Where are you and I'm so sorry  
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight*~

****

        Hiei was by the hospital, in fact, in a lovely little tree.

        He thought maybe if he slept a little, then maybe Kurama would be okay, but he just couldn't.  Even though he knew that would always be what Kurama wanted him to do.  He could see with the Jagan and also hear the doctors.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

        "Nurse!  Quickly!  How's his heart rate?"

        "Oh dear, oh dear, this hospital can't afford this...

        "His heartbeat's really slow... I can barely hear it... it's really bad..."

        "He just broke a mirror!  We go through these depressed teens all the time!  How hard can this be?!"

        "It's bad... he lost a lot of blood.  We have so little blood supply for a transfusion, that he is really just a shell..."

        "There's nothing?!"  

        "Barely... at least his blood type..."

(A/N: What is his blood type? I want to say O or AB...)

~*I need somebody and always  
This sick strange darkness   
Comes creeping on so haunting every time*~

****

        The nightmares stopped, so now Kurama was in his own soul room to rest [1].

        He looked gothic.  His soul always reflected what he really felt.  And he had his hair long and black.  Strands were attached to the lace that made a canopy in the bed of the room.  His lips had black paint on them and his eyes laid with a shadow behind them.  His long neck was wrapped in a lace collar, the lace black.  The top was all lace and he had a tank that was jet black.  He wore long, flared black pants.  He was barefoot, one foot dangling from the foot of the bed.  All the reliving the nightmares made him feel like sleeping.  He was exhausted.

**_~*_****_And as I stared I counted   
Webs from all the spiders  
Catching things and eating their insides  
Like indecision to call you  
and hear your voice of treason  
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight  
Stop this pain tonight*~_****__**

        Kurama still stayed awake, staring at the spiders that began to make his room their home.  They had little cocoons wrapping around any food they could find, saving them like doggie bags.  He wanted to hear a voice, even Youko's if he had to.  He begged anyone to stop the torture he was going through.  He wanted to feel.  He wanted to live.  He wanted to be awake, again.

~*Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)  
Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (miss you miss you)*~

****

        He shook his head, thinking, '_No! Don't help me!  I can hear you!  You are laughing at me!  I know you, Youko!  Don't you dare!  Don't you dare!'_

        He growled.  He missed the human contact he had before.

        'Are you okay, Kurama?'  Youko asked, coming in with the same outfit, but it was drenched in white instead.  

        '**NO! NO I'M NOT OKAY!**'  Kurama screamed.

        Youko pinned him to the bed.  'I can make you...'

        'YOU WOULDN'T DARE!' Kurama screamed, kicking.  'LET ME GO!'

        Youko was too strong for him.  He was too big... in every way.  He could never push him off...

        Youko sat down on Kurama's lower half, his tail gently caressing in between Kurama's legs.

        'Stop...' Kurama whispered.

~*Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)*~  
  


        Youko laid on him gently, but then shifted his weight.  Kurama gasped as his ribcage felt like it nearly snapped in half.  'You—'

        Youko stuck his finger in his mouth and spun it around several times, feeling the saliva from Kurama.  'I'm not going and taking off my clothes or anything...'

        'Ya... yakwo~' Kurama babbled nonsense.

        Kurama tried to push his hand away.  'Gwe… waa…'

        Youko sighed.  'Fine, I'll get off.'

        He started to get off and slip away.  He faced Kurama.  'You got to get up sooner or later.  No matter what happens, people care about you.  Whether or not you have flaws and crap.'

        Kurama slowly got up from the bed, his hair stuck to the lace.  'I know...'

        He started to walk to the door too.  'I better be going.'

~*Don't waste your time on me you're already   
The voice inside my head (I miss you miss you)*~

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[1] Remember Yu-Gi-Oh!?  I figured that using that would make a little more sense than something like a dream.  Well, it is sort of a dream.  I mean, two personalities going at it o_O;; anyways, Kurama wasn't conscious, so they were both there... I hope that makes sense... if it does not, I shall... repost it or something...

Gamgee X: That's it?

Gabbi: Tis a short song...

Gamgee X: Then just R&R! Thank you! 

[Note: If you have any nice depressing songs, let me know.  So far there are

-Tourniquet by Evanescense

-The Day that I Die by Good Charlotte

and... that's it...  If you have any good songs for this story, please tell me.  I want this fic to have a new song each chapter.  Domo! 


	3. Awakneing: Imaginary, Evanscense

Gabbi: Gamgee! Gamgee! We are loved!

Gamgee X: OMG! I know!

Gabbi: Thank you reviewers!

Replies to Reviews-

**Princess Krystal01- **Yeah… it kinda is…

**Bleubell- **Good.  I am glad that you aren't cutting anymore.  Personally, I find Goths charming, considering someone called me that -_-; then there was that person today that thought I was going Ghetto… screw that!  I wanna be Gothic!

DragonBlade- Tee hee… me like the dark… *turns out the lights* 

**Night Fox Hiten- **Hah hah, you gots words in your head, lol

**Angelyna-kat- **lol… I know I did _Haunted_… imagine if it makes a comback? Nah, sadly, I think it'd not be a good idea.  If it was, say, a LOTR fic I was doing, or a different anime or something, maybe I would've done _Haunted _again.  And it's Gomen _Nasai_, but nice try ^_^

Wanna feel better about your life?  I always go to bed hungry and don't have breakfast because there isn't any food to eat it.  And we aren't poor or anything.  My mom never shops.  And my dad started to think that I was making money for him… My mom almost forgot to pick me up and my mom always gets me to school by the skin of my teeth… so yeah… I got a lot more… I am just getting started…

**amber-eyez- **I really want to do _I Hate You_ by Three Days Grace, but I have to hear the song a few more times… I will probably watch the music video on Saturday… it's on VH1 a lot… ^____^ So expect that song sooner or later (ooh! _My Immortal_ is playing!)

Oh! Just so you guys know, _My Immortal _will probably not be a song here.  I am making a songfic with our fave 'Black-Haired Kurama Stereotype' in it ^_^;;

**Wakajini no Shijo- **At the rate I'm going, there will be A LOT of Evanescense songs.  And Goths rock!  Preps just scare me… ;  But why would I ignore you?  You were insane enough to review me! LOL!

**mocha cocoa-  **YOU MADE KURAMA A STRIPPER!  ALL HAIL! Anyways, thanks soooo much!  I love your fics!  I feel so happy!  Yay!

Gamgee X: The next song is _Imaginary _by Evanscense.  Wahoo.

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Numb: I Can't Feel You There 

**__**

**_Chapter III: Awakening (Imaginary, Evanscense)_**

****

***

~*I linger in the doorway   
of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name*~

****

            Kurama curled in a ball, his black hair splashing across his body.  "Stop… Leave me alone…"

            The doctors found just enough of his blood type to give him a blood tranfussion.  He was just able to become conscious, however, he didn't want to.  He was being bombarded by voices.

            _"Shuichi!"_

_            "Oh, Kurama!"_

_            "Fox-Boy!  Wake up!"_

_            "It's okay, Kurama! You can wake up now!"_

_            "…Kurama…"_

Kurama unwrapped himself.  "I know that voice…"

~*let me stay   
where the wind will whisper to me   
where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story*~

****

****The lace was tightly wrapped around him and he could barely move.  He tangled himself very bad.  The lace started to irritate his skin; it bit him and telling him a sad story, that voice he knew whispering to him.

            _"Kurama… we're all worried… wake up."_

~*in my field of paper flowers   
and candy clouds of lullaby   
I lie inside myself for hours   
and watch my purple sky fly over me*~

****

            He got up, ripping the lace off his body.  He walked forward.  Whenever he felt hopeful, the room he lived in changed.

            It was covered in roses, they looked and smelled real, until you stepped on them.  They just crinkled like paper.  Soft lullabies would play, rocking him to a soft sleep and times.  He could never count how many times he just escaped the 'real world' and just felt like laying in his unconscious state.  A voice would always disturb him.  But when nothing did, he'd watch the constantly changing sky pass.

~*don't say I'm out of touch   
with this rampant chaos - your reality*~

****

**_            "WAKE UP!"_**

            'No…' Kurama though. 'I am not sleeping!  I can hear you!'

            He shook his head. 'No!  I can't get sucked in!  This hell of a life is what started this!  I am awake, but I am not going to show it!'

~*I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge   
the nightmare I built my own world to escape*~

****

****'I know what's going on!' Kurama screamed mentally.  'I AM NOT LEAVING HERE!  I MADE THIS PLACE TO ESCAPE THAT!'

            "…Kurama, onegai!"

            'No… my guilt won't take over… No!'

            All the voices… they were begging for him to awake… they were desperate…

            'They really want me awake…'

            He sighed.  He started to finger through his black hair.  'Can I…?'

~*in my field of paper flowers   
and candy clouds of lullaby   
I lie inside myself for hours   
and watch my purple sky fly over me*~

****

****He ran forward and screamed.  He swung the heavy door open and kept screaming.  He felt tears pour down his cheeks.  "I'M AWAKE!  I'M AWAKE!"

~*swallowed up in the sound of my screaming   
cannot cease for the fear of silent nights*~

****

            He regained consciousness and continued screaming.  "I'M AWAKE!  I'M AWAKE!"

            He cried and thrashed.  "I'M AWAKE NOW! STOP SCREAMING!"

            He opened his eyes and saw Hiei and started to feel dizzy.

~*oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming   
the goddess of imaginary light*~

****

            "Oh, Inari… my Goddess…" he murmured as he passed out.

            "Kurama!" Hiei ran over and tried to wake him.  "Kurama! Wake up!"

            Kurama just smiled.  "Give me no more…"

~*in my field of paper flowers   
and candy clouds of lullaby   
I lie inside myself for hours   
and watch my purple sky fly over me*~

****

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Well, do you see what Kurama was so happy about at the end?  Well, on that note, R&R!  Tomorrow I PROMISE an update from _Magic of the Heart_!  Maybe _Kurama ½ _as well!

**Next Song: ** Currently a toss-up _Don't Let me Get Me _by P!nk or _Meant to Live _by Switchfoot.  Please put your vote in the review!  Ja mata ne!

****


	4. Discovery: Don't Let me Get Me, Pink

Gabbi: Oh! Gamgee~ 

Gamgee: This is gooood.. Sooo goood.

Gabbi: We are _that _good!

Gamgee: Well, here is our replies:

**Dragonblade**- I wouldn't exactly say "happy".  It's more like. relieved.

**Night Fox Hiten- **Wahoo! Go Hiten-Chan!  Lol!  Thank you for the ovation! 

**Dancer of Falling Rain**- Hey, a Gothic Kurama would be even enjoyable to me!  LMAO.  I am glad that someone is enjoying this fic. so far I am lucky and I don't have these "EWWWW!  THIS IS SO SICK!!  MY KURAMA!!" reviews yet.

**Bluebell**- Yep, that's me, the Goth Wanna-Be.  Lucky =P

**Kaya-Anna**- LOL! Ooh! Good song, Kaya-Chan!  I shall use it soon!  Since this is named after a Linkin Park song, why not have TONS of LP songs in it?!

**Wakajini no Shijo-  **YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC! It's okay!  I didn't know who Switchfoot was at first myself!  I would love to do Godsmack songs, they might work, but I don't know any. I think. do you have a few MP3s?  What's probably going to happen is that you will give me the songs and I'll know them and yell "CRAP! THAT'S A GODSMACK SONG?!"  That's what happened to me a Linkin Park. ;  Don't say things about yourself like that!   I am the pathetic one!  You all know that!

Gabbi: There are so many Goths on FF.net. I wanna be one of them!

Gamgee: In your dreams XD

Gabbi: sigh. anyways. when we voted we got a landslide by P!nk's song!  It was quite funny cuz I asked my editor and he said the song, too, and during Social Studies we sang it. lol

Let's go!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Numb:  I Can't Feel You There 

**Chapter 4:  Discovery, _Don't Let me Get Me, P!nk_**

***

**_~*Never win first place*~_**

****

            It was shocking to see Hiei run into the waiting room, calling upon the rest of the team, considering it was him that never supported them as a team or friends.

****

**_~*I don't support the team*~ _**

            Mr. 'You are a team player, an everyday super hero, I hate people like you' was in need of help.

            "Guys!  Kurama woke up for a second!"  Hiei yelled.

            Yusuke and Kuwabara followed him to Kurama's room.

**_~*I can't take direction*~ _**

            'Kurama. you can do better than this.' Youko snarled.

            'Leave me alone.' Kurama mumbled, laying on his bed, black hair and all.

            'You have to listen to me. they are worried. and you know it.'

            'Shut up.' Kurama growled.
    
    **_~*and my socks are never_**
    
    **_clean_** *~
    
                   'Kurama. you can't go and do this.  besides. that outfit is really getting to me.'
    
                   Kurama darted an eye at him.  'I don't care.'
    
                   'Come on.'  Youko walked over and started to pull off his socks.
    
                   '_DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME_,' Kurama snarled.
    
                   'Kurama.' Youko started.
    
    **_~*Teachers dated me, my parents hated me _**
    
    **_I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin'_**
    
    **_right *~_**

            'NO!' Kurama screamed.  'BECAUSE OF YOU, EVERYONE WANTS ME!  MY TEACHERS, MY FRIENDS, MY CLASSMATES, _EVERYONE_!  NO WONDER I ALWAYS FIGHT FOR THE REIKAI TATEI!  I AM SO GOD DAMN FRUSTERATED!  I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT!!"

            Youko's eyebrows knotted.  'You know that you are lying.'

            'So are you acting like you care.'  Kurama snarled.

            Youko sighed.  
    
    **_~*Everyday I fight a war against the mirror _**
    
    **_I can't take the person starin' back at me _**

**_I'm a hazard to myself*~_**

****

            'I can't stand it!  Every time I look in a mirror, I don't see _me_, I just see a cold, selfish, killer.  Not human, not demon, just _a killer_.  Do you know how much that hurts?  I can't stand it!  No wonder I punched that mirror!  I can't stand looking at myself!  I hate myself!!  **I HATE MYSELF!!**'

            'You're a hazard.' Youko whispered.

            'EXACTLY!' Kurama hollered.

            Youko shook his head.  This was hopeless.
    
    **_~*Don't let me get me _**
    
    **_I'm my own worst enemy_******

**_Its bad when you annoy yourself*~_**

****

            'You don't get it,' Kurama whispered, crying hard.  'You don't know how sick it is to hate to see yourself as your worst enemy.  I am annoyed by myself.  And it's your fault.'

            'Kurama, I am.'

            'Just shut up.' Kurama wrapped the lace around his sides. 'I'm leaving.'

            Youko held his head.  'This is all my fault.'
    
    **_~*So irritating _**
    
    **_Don't wanna be my friend no more _**

**_I wanna be somebody else*~_**

****

            'I need to change.' Kurama said as he slipped down the hallway.  'I need to throw myself away and change. and then die sooner or later. that would be great. a perfect life.'
    
    **_~*I wanna be somebody else, yeah*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   Kurama opened his eyes in the hospital again.
    
                   "Kurama! You are awake!"  everyone yelled.
    
                   Kurama nodded.  "Yeah. for now."
    
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    
                   Within days, Kurama came home, his arm wrapped in bandages.  He was slightly touched by a rack of a thousand paper cranes and many get well cards and flowers.
    
                   "The girls kept coming!  It never ended!"  Shiori said, trying to be normal.  She wanted to not act at all like something was wrong.
    
    **_~^FLASHBACK^~_**
    
                   "Mrs. Minamino?"  the doctors asked.
    
                   "What?" Shiori asked.
    
                   "I suggest that your son goes for therapy."
    
                   "What?  You mean physical therapy?  That is understanding."
    
                   "No. not that kind. I mean. mental. therapy. or something. Mrs. Minamino, if I am not mistaken, I'd think he is in a sever depression."
    
                   "What can I do until then?"
    
                   "I suggest giving him a purpose. I have seen so many self-inflicted wounds, I probably could go for a physiatrist degree." 
    
    **_~^END FLASHBACK^~_**
    
    **__**
    
    **_~*LA told me, "You'll be a pop star, _**
    
    **_All you have to change is everything you are."*~ _**
    
                   Hiei was struggling with a story on the computer, Kurama laid on his bed. 
    
                   Hiei tried to understand the kanji and he just couldn't.
    
                   Kurama got up, sighing, and looked over.  "Hiei. what are you reading?"
    
                   "It's a story. it's called _The Price of.Stardom_[1]?"  Hiei asked.
    
                   "Yeah, that's right." Kurama said.  "Stardom.  Like a pop star."
    
                   "You could become a pop star," Hiei said.  "But of course, you'd have to change everything that you are."
    
                   Kurama smiled.  "I was considering changing."
    
                   "Naze?"  Hiei looked at him with big eyes.
    
                   "I just think that it'd be good."
    
                   "Kurama, you're good the way you are. my Gods. they are serious. you are."
    
                   "What now?" Kurama asked.
    
                   "I heard you are depressed.  That's all," Hiei snarled, continuing his reading.
    
    **_~*Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears _**
    
    **_She's so pretty, that just ain't me*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   "Hiei, people compare me to movie stars and singers and I am sick of it," Kurama answered, hinting irritability in his voice.  
    
                   "I know, I hear," Hiei grunted, reading.
    
                   Kurama sighed.  "Then this is the end of this conversation."
    
                   Hiei stared at him for a second and disappeared.
    
                   Kurama went back to his bed and cried.
    
    **_~*Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe_**
    
    **_somethin _**
    
    **_A day in the life of someone else?*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   "I want to be like him. he can just leave and no one will care. except maybe one or two. it makes it so much easier.
    
                   He got up and went to the bathroom.
    
    **_~*Cuz I'm a hazard to myself*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   He quickly closed the door and swung around to the empty space where the mirror was.  He leaned forward, seeing the slight sliver of the mirror still left.  He touched it.
    
                   "Shit!" Kurama yelled.  
    
                   The blood started to gush out of his finger.
    
                   He sucked the wound out of reaction.  "Damn."
    
                   The salty taste stayed on his tongue for a few seconds.
    
                   "Mmm." he moaned slightly.  "Hey, this isn't as bad as I thought."
    
                   He stared at his finger, which was red now.
    
    **_~*Don't let me get me     _**
    
    **_I'm my own worst enemy _**
    
    **_Its bad when you annoy yourself *~_**
    
    ****
    
    ****"Gahh." Kurama shook his head.  "No. I won't get tempted like that."
    
                   He picked up a piece of glass and looked at his cheek.
    
                   He took the sliver and put it by his skin.
    
                   He could hear Youko begging him not to do it.
    
                   "Make up your mind!  Are you on my side or not?!" he screamed.
    
                   Youko's voice disappeared.
    
                   Out of anger and just black revenge, he slashed his cheek.
    
                   With instant results, the parted skin allowed blood leak from the wound.
    
                   It wasn't too deep, mainly because he only wanted it as a warning.
    
                   He stopped the bleeding quickly, afraid that more suspicion would arise from the wound and bandaged it.
    
                   He bolted out of the bathroom and back to his room.
    
    **_~*So irritating _**
    
    **_Don't wanna be my friend no more _**
    
    **_I wanna be somebody else*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   He looked through his closet and pulled out a black tank and black pants.
    
                   He changed into them and put on his pair of black boots.
    
                   He then sat down on his bed and laid back.
    
                   "This is not so bad." Kurama said, closing his eyes.  "If I can't go into my unconscious mind. I can go here and have a taste of it."
    
                   He got up again.  "I wonder."
    
                   He started to pull off all his things on the nightstand by his bed and then picked up a bottle of black nail polish he had been keeping from a costume party a year ago.  He started to paint his nails the black polish, not caring if it stained his bed sheets.
    
    **_~*Don't let me get me _**
    
    **_I'm my own worst enemy _**
    
    **_Its bad when you annoy yourself*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   He sniffed the paint, briefly allowing the strong scent make him almost high for a moment.
    
                   He looked around, in hope there was dye, too.
    
                   But there wasn't.
    
                   He groaned and started to get some money to buy black dye.
    
                   He glanced at a small picture on his dresser of him and Yusuke, Hiei, and Kuwabara.
    
                   How happy he used to be just by the presence of friends.
    
                   "Like that'll ever happen again." he snorted, throwing the frame in the garbage.  He heard the fake-glass crack when it hit the pail.
    
    **_~*So irritating _**
    
    **_Don't wanna be my friend no more _**
    
    **_I wanna be somebody else_***~
    
                   He started to leave the house, when his mother caught him.
    
                   "What. what are you wearing?"
    
                   "Nothing. I am just going out for awhile." Kurama said.
    
                   "Please be careful." Shiori pleaded.  She didn't want to lose him.
    
    **_~*Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe_**
    
    **_somethin _**
    
    **_A day in the life of someone else? _**
    
    **_Don't let me get me*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   He slammed the door, and gave the window the middle finger.
    
                   He left without a care.
    
                   All he wanted was to change.
    
    (A/N: He pulled a Yusuke! LOL!)
    
    ****
    
    **_~*Don't let me get me _**
    
    **_I'm my own worst enemy _**
    
    **_Its bad when you annoy yourself _**
    
    **_So irritating _**
    
    **_Don't wanna be my friend no more _**
    
    **_I wanna be somebody else*~_**
    
    ****
    
    **_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_**
    
    ****
    
    Gabbi: So Kurama finally _really _cut himself.
    
    Gamgee: Awright! And Blink 182 is on! Yay!
    
    Gabbi: Please review!  I love this!
    
    **NEXT SONG:**  I am doing so far. umm. lesse. I might do a Good Charlotte Song. yeah. I really wanna do one. maybe, maybe not. or maybe. even. _Someday _by Nickelback. I am not sure yet. Please request ones and ideas in your reviews!!! 
    
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	5. Dying: One Last Breath, Creed

Gabbi: EEE~ All my updates are all messed up because of my long weekend! Must… update… Numb!

Kurama: ISN'T THIS WHAT YOU ARE DOING?!

Gabbi: Yes… I must type now cuz 1. It's late and 2. I am getting my AIM name and a new e-mail address ^.^

Kurama: Oh joy…

Gabbi: ANYways, here are ze replies!

**Bluebell- **lol, well, I see nail polish on guys _all_ the time, but this is just New Jersey… we are weirdoes… lol

**Wakajini no Shijo- **I'll look into it… The fingernail thing sounds so cool!  I am sure that you had the coolest looking nails like that!  LOL Kurama… the fox equivalent of Karasu… *puts two pic together*  Hmm… tis true… Life is messed up… I guess that's why I did this fic… just taking it out on fictious characters and not yourself does make you feel better…

**Kaya-Anna**- At least I know you like this… lol

**Princess Krystal01**- Oh, it gets worst.

**Hiten-Chan**- Oi, you cut too?!  No!  I hope this is not giving anyone ideas!  As for the YNM fics, I have yet to see and read the series.  When I do, stay tuned (I REALLY want to)

**Yami's-Girl- **Thanks for the challenge!  I think you will enjoy this, I hope at least!  I guess the transformation was strange… be thankful he didn't do it ROTK style… Gollum anyone?

**Lunamercury**- Do you have the lyrics?  It seems interesting… I think I know the song… anyways… thank you so much!  But remember; there is always someone more sicker than the reviewer; the authoress herself (Not the editor, of course… lol)

C-Kun nearly passed out today!  So please hope for him to feel better, guys!  He's the one that forces me to write… I hope he is better… I need to bug him…

**WARNING**: There is a twist this chapter.  You will be shocked.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Numb: I Can't You There 

****

**_Chapter 3: Dying, One Last Breath, Creed (Request by Yami's-Girl)_**

****

**_***_**

****

**_~*Please come now I think I'm falling*~_**

****

            Kurama ran hard and bolted to the park. "Hiei! Hiei! Get your demon ass over here!  I know that you are here!  I know you are!!"

            Hiei came out of nowhere.  "Kurama!"

            Kurama faced him with fire in his eyes.

            Hiei was almost scared.

            "Kurama!  We have to talk!" Hiei begged.  

            Kurama smacked him.  

            Hiei touched his red cheek.  "Why did you do that?"

            "I'm falling," Kurama whispered and he ran away.

            Hiei bolted over and kicked him, causing him to fall.

            ***Slip*** Kurama hit the concrete.  His knees ripped open, the skin slightly hanging on to his knees.  He looked at Hiei.  "Why the hell did you-"

**_~*I'm holding on to all I think is safe*~_**

****

            Hiei snapped.  "Kurama! I'm serious!  Really!  We have to talk!!"

            He found out something that he needed to tell Kurama.  And fast.  He wasn't going to last long…

**_~*It seems I found the road to nowhere*~_**

****

            Kurama stared at Hiei.  Hiei was hiding something from him.  Great, just what he needed.  More lies.  More tragedy.  More alleys on the road to nowhere, something he so recently found.

            "Hiei…" Kurama whispered.

****

**_~*And I'm trying to escape*~_**

****

            Kurama quickly got up.

            "Matte," Hiei snapped in a deep voice.

            Kurama turned his head.  "What?"

            "Kurama… please!  I have to tell you!  I have to _now!_"  Hiei was serious, tears were forming in his eyes.

            Kurama was shocked, if he wasn't so depressed, he might've been upset.  He wanted out.  But he had to hear.

**_~*I yelled back when I heard thunder*~_**

****

            "What is it then?!" Kurama screamed.

**_~*But I am down to one last breath_**

****

And with it let me say*~ 

            Kurama… I just found out something… and… I can't…"

            "What is it?" Kurama snapped.

            "I don't… Kurama… I don't have much time… I am down to breaths…."

            "**_WHAT?!_**" Kurama's head started to spin.  Down to breaths?!  What did he mean?!

            "Kurama… I'm dying…" Hiei whispered softly.

            "Why?!" Kurama screamed, all of him, Youko too, was scared now.

            "I overheard what Koenma was saying… he said that you were going to die when you were at the hospital… that the blood transfusion was going to go wrong… I didn't want to lose you and… I… well…"

            "**_YOU BASTARD!_**" Kurama cut him off.  "**_How could you?!  Why are you sacrificing yourself for me?!  That's not like you, Hiei!_**"

            "I know!  But you know I care more about you than I care about myself!" Hiei yelled.  "You don't think I see it?  Weeks before this happened you were losing yourself!  I noticed!  I see these things, Kurama!  And I was not going to have that happen!  I don't care about myself, Kurama!  _I care about **you**_!"

            Kurama punched him.  "**_WHY DO YOU?!"_**

****

            Hiei punched back.  "**_DO YOU THINK I WANT TO?!_**"

**_~*Let me say*~_**

****

            Kurama kept crying.  "I don't belive you… I don't believe you… I don't believe you at all… not at all… no…"

            "Get up.  We are just wasting time…"

            Kurama looked at him.  "You can't do this to me…"

            Hiei took his chin.  "I did."

            "You can't!"

            "I am."

            "I hate you."

            "Hn."

**_~*Hold me now_**

****

**_I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking_**

****

**_That maybe six feet_**

****

**_Ain't so far down*~_**

****

            Hiei wrapped his arms around Kurama.  "I know what you're thinking… I think you'll look good with black hair…"

            Kurama felt a few tears fall from his eyes.  "Hiei…"

            People started to stare.  Someone even considered calling the police or ambulance.

            Kurama cried softly.  "No… no…"

**_~*I'm looking down now that it's all over*~_**

****

            "Stop doing this… Kurama… I should be the one crying… I was such a brat…" Hiei laughed.

            "You can't die… you can't die…you can't die…"

**_~*Reflecting on all my mistakes*~_**

****

            Hiei whispered softly, "It's okay.  It's okay, Kurama… It was my fault and I know it is…"

            "Hiei… Hiei… you just can't do this… you just can't…"

            "It's fine, Kurama.  It's fine."

**_~*I thought I found the road to somewhere*~_**

****

            '_He's not dying, he's not dying… I am suppose to die!  Me!  Not him!  Not today!  Not now!_' Kurama thought.

(A/N: Near… Far… WHEREVER you are… oh, wait, nevermind… ;)

            Hiei smiled.  "You know, it's kind of weird… I don't feel so bad… I thought that something like this would happen… but I am still disappointed… I thought I had a purpose…"

            "You do!" Kurama yelled, suddenly with emotion.  He snapped out of his depressed state for a second.

            "You do have a purpose!" he continued.  "It's… it's to… YOU CAN'T DIE!"

            Hiei shrugged, still holding him.  "Shh, Kurama… you knew this was to happen… you know this…"

**_~*Somewhere in His grace*~_**

****

****"Why did you do this?" Kurama whispered.  He knew people were watching.  He could hear the narrow-minded people.

            "I knew that you'd do it for anyone.  Even if you were in this state.  I know that you are still Kurama.  You are still that fox that is a total moron."

            "Hiei…"

            "You don't know how much I wanted to be able to pull off the shit you do.  But I couldn't because I had to keep a mask.  Kurama, please stay a little longer.  Please live.  Please."

            "I don't know if I can…"

            "You can."

**_~*I cried out Heaven save me*~_**

****

            '_No, Inari-Sama… don't allow this to happen to him… don't waste your time on doing this… do this to **me** not Hiei… not Hiei… me!' _Kurama prayed_._

            Hiei sighed.  "Too bad there is no way for us both to be saved… but that's okay… I think I can still trust you…"

            '_What do you know…_' Kurama thought.

            **'What _does_ he know?'** Youko barked.

_            'Shut up… just shut up…' _Kurama almost yelled, but kept it in his head.

**_~*And with it let me say_**

****

Let me say*~ 

****

            "Kurama?" Hiei gasped out.

            '_No… this is it…_' Kurama thought.

            "Kurama?  Are you listening?"

            Kurama could hear the whole world now…

            **_"Look at those faggots…"_**

****

**_            "How has our community sunk so low…?"_**

****

**_            "Come, Shota, let's go home…"_**

****

**_            "Mommy, why are the men crying?"_**

****

****"Kurama, can you hear me?"

            **_"Shouldn't we do something?"_**

****

**_            "What can we do?"_**

****

**_            "Isn't this boy caring that there is someone dying in his arms?"_**

****

**_            "He seems… Numb…"_**

****

****"KURAMA!"

            '_Numb…_' words slapped him mentally.  '_Numb… frozen… cold… unmoving…_'

**_~*Hold me now_**

****

**_I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking_**

****

**_Maybe six feet_**

****

**_Ain't so far down*~_**

****

            He clutched Hiei.  Tear gems and saline tears were mixing across their bodies… "HIEI! I DON'T WANT TO BE NUMB ANYMORE!"

            Hiei touched his cheek.  "You were never numb… Kitsune no Baka…"

            "I am!  Don't you hear them!" Kurama cried.

**_~*Sad eyes follow me_**

****

**_But I still believe that there's something left for me*~_**

****

            The crowd starting to hawk over them began to move back.

            "I can't take this!" Kurama screamed, wishing he had a dagger.  He didn't care if he pulled of a Romeo and Juliet he was sick and tired of everything.  He just wanted some sort of release…

            "If you… if you kill yourself… I swear I will never speak to you… _ever!_" Hiei warned.

            "Then what am I suppose to do, Hiei?!" Kurama screamed.

            "You'll live!  This world was not meant for me!" Hiei screamed.

**_~*So please come stay with me_**

****

**_'Cause I believe there's something left for you_**

****

**_And me*~_**

****

            "Yes it was!  It's always been meant for you!  And surely not me!" Kurama screamed.

            Hiei smirked.  "Whatever you say… whatever you say…"

**_~*For you and me_**

****

**_For you and me*~_**

****

            He didn't kiss Kurama when he died.

            He knew that that was just a stupid kind of cliché for tragic love affairs.

            He didn't want this to be like that.

            He wanted Kurama to live.

            But he even knew that he could not be sure.

            And for now,

            This is all up to Kurama.

            And that, my friends,

            Was the use of One Last Breath.

**_~*Hold me now_**

****

**_I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking*~_**

****

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It seems that Numb has become a new twist.  Hiei is dead.  And like this chapter said, how will Kurama take this?  I enjoyed this dare.

**NEXT SONG: **It might end here, folks.  I can do _Meant to Live _by Switchfoot and end it all.  Of course, this is up to you.  If you have more songs, and maybe a few ideas, this can go farther.  Please review.


	6. Metamorphosis: Paint it Black, Rolling ...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Gabbi:  *drooling profusely*

Kuroikami Kurama (black-haired Kurama): Inari, what is it?

Gabbi: looook…*shows him the TV guide*

Kurama: What? Who…?

Gabbi: Moron!  That's Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, and Viggo Mortenson, TOTAL HOTTIES! Besides you, of course…

Kurama: I see…

Gabbi:  …yessss…. ARGH! I am mad.

Kurama: What?

Gabbi: **_I despise all Mary Sue and CYOA fanfiction.  Please join me as I oppose it by torturing Kurama, a bit of Hiei, and Frodo._**

****

Kurama: Now, Gabbi, what had the Hobbits ever done to you?

Gabbi: Nothing. I will **never** post a CYOA or a Mary Sue fic for the rest of my life.  **_NEVER!!!_**

Kurama: Reply to the reviews…

Gabbi: *hyperventelating*  Before I finished, I figured I'd have at least a decent number of more chapters.  This fic has not seemed to touch the subjects I really wanted to, as much as I love the way it is coming out.  I love your reviews, you are keeping this fic up, not me.  C-Kun said this should be the Epilogue but I said "No, C-Kun, this needs to get more into the subject before it can end."  However, I think the ending shall be rather interesting.

****

**Bleubell- **Why you… I just e-mail you… screw it…  but thanks for all your ideas!

**Hiten-Chan**- I am so sorry but my computer I a piece of crap that won't download them correctly =P maybe some other time I can see it… my mom got this Suncoast card now, so she will let me get more anime, maybe she'll let me get the anime… of course, this will be watched in Japanese for me XP

**Princess Krystal01- I** shall look into this song… wa!

**Shaolin Zelda**- Something told me I was to be hated by Hiei fangirls this chapter…

**Yami's_Girl**- I am glad that you enjoy this ^_^ I live to serve!

**MoonGoddessKonoko**- Why thank you ^_^ I enjoy the songs!

**Kaya-Anna- ***laughs* meh… I only did it twice within 14 days… lol… heheheheheheheh

**Mocha cocoa- **I really want to see you update!  I love your fics A LOT!  Anyways, thanks for the compliment! Finally, someone who can see the significance of Hiei's Death!  Yay!

**Kori**- Meheheheheh… come now, I am getting sick of seeing the people kiss the dead bodies… Romeo and Juliet, multiple HieixKurama fanfics, Aragorn and Boromir… hold on, that was my Mom's idea ^^; you get the deal…

**Dancer of Falling Rain**- Aw, thank you so much!  The mind of an angst author is so… depressed… meh…

**Allie- **lol, I love the Gothic Kurama myself… as for Karasu… I was considering him coming… but after awhile I thought "He's in almost every other YYH fic I wrote on accident… so maybe I won't…" so for the time being I don't think I'll put him in…

So that's it! W00t!

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Numb: I Can't Feel You There 

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**_Chapter 6:  Metamorphosis, Paint it Black, Rolling Stones (Go British Invasion! =P)_**

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***

**_~*I see a red door and I want it painted black*~_**

****

            Kurama stared at the dead body in his hands.  He jumped up, scared to Death.  Hiei was really dead.  His temperature was already dropping.  He stared at his hands and arms as if they were tainted.  He ran.

            He cried and ran harder.  "_What did I do?!_"  He clutched a tear gem Hiei had cried.

            The whispers, the tears, the dying, the discovering, it all scared Kurama.  This was something that had to be a permanent scar.

            He stopped, staring at the doors of houses and windows; he wished them to be black.

            Like his heart had become.

**_~*No colors anymore I want them to turn black*~_**

****

            He didn't want this so-called 'hope'.  He didn't want that word called 'sympathy'.  He wanted to be 'alone'.  

            He wanted the world to be total darkness so he could finally breathe easy again.
    
    **_~*I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes_**
    
    **_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   Girls the age of his human form saw him and wanted to help him, but he ran.  He ran as hard as he could.  He wanted them to be black too.
    
                   He wanted to escape this world more than ever, but what Hiei said rang in his ears.
    
    ****"I can't stand this…" Kurama whispered as he turned into an alley.  He leaned against the brick wall. 
    
                   "What's this?" a boy around 16 walked forward.  "A Goth wanna-be?"
    
                   Kurama looked up.  "Na…nani?"
    
                   "Hn," they grunted just like Hiei did.  Kurama could see in the very little light that they were a full-fledge Goth.  His hair was long and black with a few stray purple and green highlights.  His fingers were stained with black paint, and they were noticeably sharp, like he took a pair of scissors and chopped off the sides of his nail.  His clothes were very simple.  He wore a loose-fitting black shirt that said in red letters _"Shut Up"_ and long black pants that were very baggy.  He wore big black army boots and black lipstick to finish his look.  
    
    **_~*I see a line of cars and they're all painted black*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   Kurama looked at the alley as an ambulance drove past.  "Nothing gets passed you…"
    
                   "What's up with you?  Just started to cut?"
    
                   Kurama stared at him.  "How did you know?"
    
                   "Your cheek," he said.  "Not many know that the wrist lets out the most blood when they first cut themselves.  I'm Kuroibara."
    
                   "K…Kurama…" Kurama said, not thinking of his human name.  "I'm sorry… I… a friend of mine just died in my arms and…"
    
                   "I see," Kuroibara said.  "It's okay."

**_~*With flowers and my love both never to come back*~_**

****

            Kurama felt through his hair and pulled a rose.  It was black.  He was a little shocked.  "H-here…"

            Kuroibara took the rose.  "Why this?"

            "I… I want… to…"

            "You looking for a friend or something?  Cuz I can help you and help you out with the Goth thing…"

            He took Kurama's hand.  "C'mon… I live alone.  My parents left me.  C'mon…"
    
    **_~*I see people turn their heads and quickly look away_**
    
    ****
    
    **_Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   They passed a crowd, the crowd only whispered.  It felt common already.
    
                   They went to a small apartment.
    
                   "This is my house… come…" he said as he lead Kurama to the bathroom.
    
                   "First, I'm going to fix out your hair," Kuroibara said.  He quickly got out some dye and dyed Kurama hair.  Kurama looked up a few minutes later.  He saw a head of raven black hair.  He felt his fingers slightly.  His hand was slightly full of black gunk.  
    
                   "Okay," Kuroibara said.  "Here you go…"
    
                   He handed Kurama some lipstick.  "Go ahead."
    
                   Kurama painted his lips, slightly scared.  
    
                   He stared at his new image.  This was going to take awhile to get used to…
    
                   "Gimme your hand," Kuroibara said.
    
                   Kurama handed his right hand.  "Why are you doing this for me?"
    
                   "I feel like helping someone like you…" he said as he took his scissors and clipped half of Kurama's nail.
    
                   Kurama screamed as the blood spurted from his finger.  
    
    **_~*I look inside myself and see my heart is black*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   He closed his eyes and all he saw was how dark his heart had become.
    
                   Kuroibara sharpened his nails like a fox or a cat.  "It scares people…" he said.
    
                   His fingers still bled, but he was still dreaming.

**_~*I see my red door and it has been painted black*~_**

****

            He imagined the door he saw painted black.

            How strangely good that felt.
    
    **_~*Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts_**
    
    **_It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   He prayed that he'd just fade from the world.  Maybe this boy could help him.
    
                   "So he died?" Kuroibara whispered.
    
                   "Yes.  Right in my arms," Kurama whispered.
    
                   "I see…" Kuroibara said.
    
    **_~*No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue_**
    
    ****
    
    **_I could not foresee this thing happening to you*~_**
    
    ****
    
    ****"I could never think that such a thing could happen to him… he died… " Kurama whispered.  "I never thought that that would happen…"
    
    **_~*If I look hard enough into the settin' sun_**
    
    ****
    
    **_My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   "People never think that when the people they care dies…" Kuroibara said.
    
                   "I hoped it was just a stupid joke and that he'd wake up and laugh… we'd laugh together and all… but no…"
    
                   "That's pretty sad…" Kuroibara said.
    
                   "What school do you go to?" Kurama changed the subject.
    
                   "Meiou," he said.  "I'm the one that had the black uniform."
    
                   Kurama stared at him.  "Really?"
    
    **_~*I see a red door and I want it painted black_**
    
    **_No colors anymore I want them to turn black_**
    
    **_I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes_**
    
    **_I have to turn my head until my darkness goes*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   "Yeah," he said.  "It's a school day tomorrow, right?"
    
                   "Yes," Kurama answered.
    
                   "Wanna stay at my house?" Kuroibara asked.
    
                   Kurama blushed.  "W-well…"
    
                   "It's fine with me.  You fine with it?"
    
                   Kurama nodded.  "Sure."
    
                   "Great!  We can paint the town black!" Kuroibara joked.
    
                   Kurama nodded.  '_Just like my heart…'_
    
    **_~*Hmm, hmm, hmm..._**
    
    ****
    
    **_I wanna see it painted, painted black*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   Kurama stood up.  "Let's do it.  I want to see this town brought into pain.  I want them to burn.  Everyone."
    
                   Kuroibara laughed.  "Don't take it out on people… take it out on yourself…"
    
                   Kuroibara showed his arms.  They had jagged scars up and down his arms in designs at some point.
    
                   Kurama nodded.  "May… maybe I better just do that…"
    
                   Kuroibara handed him a razor.  "Go ahead…"
    
                   He took one himself.  "To a new friendship…"
    
                   They slashed.
    
                   Kurama winced.  He cut really deep.  Deeper than ever.
    
                   Kuroibara smiled.  "Not bad for a first time…"
    
                   Kurama watched the blood flow.  "I… I feel dizy…"
    
                   "After one cut?" Kuroibara asked.
    
                   "I.., I did have a blood transfusion…" Kurama whispered.
    
                   "How did you do that?" 
    
    **_~*Black as night, black as coal*~_**
    
    ****
    
                   "I just… got hurt… that's all…" Kurama mumbled.
    
                   "Really?" Kuroibara said.  He towered over Kurama.  
    
                   "What… what are you doing…"
    
                   Kuroibara took Kurama's head.
    
                   "Let go!" Kurama pulled away.
    
                   "Sorry… that was not intentional… if you don't want me to touch you like that… I won't," Kuroibara's voice trailed off.  "You better get that cleaned.  Self mutilation is a release… not some Death thing…"
    
                   "That's what it is to you?" Kurama asked.
    
                   "Well… yeah… I am here to piss people off… that's why I never killed myself…"
    
                   Kurama faced him.  He sat down and ripped open the wound more.
    
                   "What are you doing?"
    
                   "I WANT TO DIE! I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT HIEI SAID!"
    
                   Kuroibara pulled his arm away.  "Stop."
    
                   Kurama began to cry.  "Dammit… I am too predictable…"
    
                   Kuroibara sighed.  "You are really depressed, aren't you?"
    
                   "Yes," Kurama snapped.  He laid down and cried.
    
                   "I don't want you to."
    
                   "Why?"
    
                   "I know who you really are.  Shuichi Minamino.  That great student.  You are so happy at school… I know what you do.  I heard your poetry and stuff… that's another reason why I live, _Shuichi_.  I live for your writing as well."
    
                   "If you are hitting on me…" Kurama got up."
    
    **_~*I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky*~_**
    
    ****
    
    ****"…I'll just go…"
    
                   "I am not," Kuroibara snapped.  "I hear good stuff from you.  If you died I wouldn't get to hear any more poems.  'Sides, I just think of a mother I never had when I hear them…"
    
                   Kurama sighed.  "Fine then… if staying here makes you happy…"
    
                   The blood still leaked slightly from his wrist.
    
                   He crawled to the rug outside the door and lay there.
    
                   Kuroibara stared at him.  "What are we going to do with you… what is it that will make you happy?  What is it that will make you smile again?"
    
                   He took a blanket and threw it on Kurama, and decided to continue his homework.
    
                   "I just want a friend… but he wants a savior…"
    
    **_~*I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black_**
    
    **_Yeah!*~_**
    
    *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    
    Sorry it took so long to update!  My parents were not letting me on for no reason… but here it is!
    
    **NEXT SONG: **It's probably going to be Three Days Grace's _I hate Everything About You_.
    
    Please review!
    
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	7. Lost: I Hate Everything About You, Thre...

Gabbi:  Wow!  We did so well!  I am resuming my old schedule… it's Numb day!

*everyone dances* IT'S A GREAT DAY FOR AN LOTR FANGIRL! 11/11 BABY!  ALL WON!  Hail to the Hobbits, the Elves, and the Man… I am doing an LOTR fanfic later this week in honor of this grand event!  I saw the whole thing!

Kurama:  You were up that late?!

Gabbi:  Yep!

Kurama:  o.O;

Gabbi: Replies to reviews:

**Kori- ** Seriously?  You are crying?  Wow…

Kurama:  You, ma'am, are sick and twisted.

Gabbi:  Meh…

Kurama:  *looks over her shoulder*  AH HA!  SAM/FRODO FANFICTION!

Gabbi:  I just hope you all realize that if Sam and Frodo were modern they'd be looked upon as gay… the way Lord of the Rings takes place and all, it is not viewed as 'gay'.  I just felt like pointing that out.

**TheUnlovedOutcast**-  I think we all can relate to this fanfic.  We have all been betrayed, all witnessed Death, all went through the pains of life.  Some of us snap and some of us keep going.

Yeah… let's go…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Numb:  I Can't Feel You There 

****

**_Chapter 7:  Lost, Three Days Grace, I Hate Everything About You_**

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***

~***_Everytime we lie awake_***~

            Kurama slowly opened his eyes.  It was really late.  He got up, noticing Kuroibara at his futon.

            Kurama looked at his nails and at his arms.  "Dammit…"

            '**_Well?_**' Youko spoke harshly.

            Kurama held his head.  "Go away…"

            He ran into the bathroom, sick to his stomach.  He vomited, barely missing the toilet.

**_~*After every hit we take*~_**

****

            '_Youko's back… no… no…' _Kurama whispered to himself.  

            He slumped down on the wall.  "No…"

**_~*Every feeling that I get,_**

****

**_But I haven't missed you yet*~_**

****

            Kurama coughed, leaning toward the toilet again.  "Why is this happening?!"

            Kuroibara walked into the room.  "Shuichi?  Are you okay…?"

            "No…" Kurama shook his head.  "No!"

**_~*Every room mate kept awake,_**

****

**_By every sigh and scream we make*~_**

****

            "I woke up to something from here… are you sure you are okay?"

            "Yes… yes…"

**_~*Every feeling that I get,_**

****

**_But I haven't missed you yet*~_**

****

            "Is this your friend?"

            "No… no… it's not that… I… I don't seem to miss him much…"

            Kuroibara looked at him, concerned.  "There's a vending machine.  Why don't I get you something… like a soda?"

            "Hai… that'd be great…"

            Kuroibara left.

**_~*Only when I stop to think about you_***~

*_click*_ he closed the door.

Kurama started to cry.  He rubbed away his tears and moaned.

"Hi… Hiei… Youko…"

**_~*I _**

****

**_Hate _**

****

**_Everything about you*~_**

****

            **_"I HATE YOU!"_** Kurama threw a soap dispenser at the mirror.  Just like before when he punched one at home, it shattered.   "**_I HATE YOU ALL!!"_**

            He ran out of the room and threw around Kuroibara's futon.  It slammed against the wall, pulling down a picture he had up.

            "**_HIEI!  YOUKO!  ALL OF YOU!  WHY DO YOU CARE?!"_**

****

**_~*Why_**

****

**_Do I_**

****

**_Love you?*~_**

****

            He threw papers from the floor.  He crinkled and shredded them.   **_"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_**

****

            He cried and screamed.  "**_WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!  WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO GET CAUGHT?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGH!"_**

****

**_~*Every time we lie awake,_**

****

**_After every hit we take*~_**

****

            "It… It couldn't be just _me_.  Youko has to be a part of _me.  _Hiei has to die for _me.  _Kuroibara has to suffer because of _me," _he said quieter.

            "**_WHY?!"_** Kurama screamed.  **_"WHY ME, INARI-SAMA?!  WHAT DID I DO?!  WHAT DID HIEI DO?!  WHAT DID KUROIBARA DO?!"_**

****

**_~*Every feeling that I get,_**

****

But I haven't missed you yet*~ 

            "I don't miss them… but I pity them, right…?" Kurama whispered.

**_~*Only when I stop to think about it*~_**

****

            "Hiei… Hiei… _I miss Hiei…_" Kurama hissed.  "I miss Hiei… he is gone from my life and I miss him… because I was greedy and wanted him… I brought this upon myself… If I just ignored him like everyone else… he would've commited suicide and died so much earlier… and I wouldn't be like this…"

            He took the picture he dropped.  "**_No one would be how they are!"_**

****

****He smashed it again.  It felt good.

**_~*I_**

****

**_Hate_**

****

**_Everything about You*~_**

****

            He kept on smashing the things in the little apartment.  He threw the table to the ground out of frustration.  He then pulled the phone out of the wall, the wires falling in random areas.

**_~*Why _**

****

**_Do I_**

****

**_Love You?*~_**

****

            He threw tons of things.  He didn't care.  He threw glasses and plastic cups he found in a cabinet.  He found a few forks that got stuck in the wall.  Knives were used to see if they were sharp enough to rip skin.  If not, they just were thrown and stuck into the wall.

**_~*I_**

****

**_Hate _**

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**_Everything about you*~_**

****

            To think, he was only frustrated.

**_~*Why_**

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**_Do I_**

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**_Love you?*~_**

****

            He shoved chairs to the ground.  He cried and blood splattered on his face. 

            His blood.

            He screamed and threw more things.

            Did he care that the stuff was not his own?

            Did he care that he was waking up everyone?

            Yes, but he was so broken, he just couldn't stop.

****

**_~*Only when I stop to think about you I know*~_**

****

            "_Shuichi!" _Kuroibara screamed.

            He ran to restrain the infuriated young man.

            "_Get away!" _Kurama screamed, "_I don't want to think about you!"_

            Kuroibara panicked.  "What's wrong with you?!"

            Kurama's blood splashed across his wounds and body.  He didn't think about all those diseases he could get by that.  He had to calm Kurama down.

            "Shuichi!  Shuichi!  Stop!  You are going to kill yourself!"

            "_I don't care!" _Kurama hollered.

            "Shuichi!  Onegai!"

            Kurama began to calm down.  His knees let out and he fell to the ground.  Kuroibara quickly closed the strange wounds on Kurama's arms.

            "That's surely to leave scars…" Kuroibara hissed.

            Kurama shook.

            "Why did you do this?"

            "I… I really can't tell you…"

**_~*Only when you start to think about me you know*~_**

****

            "Shuichi, do you hate yourself so much you hate everyone else?"

            "No… I hate myself so much that I care for everyone else… they never care back… or live…"

            "Shuichi…"

**_~*I _**

****

**_Hate_**

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**_Everything about you*~_**

****

            "Just leave me to die… just kill me… kill me, Kuroibara!  Kill me!"

            "No!  I won't do that!"

**_~*Why_**

****

**_Do I_**

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**_Love you?*~_**

****

            Kurama stumbled up.  "Ah… ah… just let me go…"

            "No," Kuroibara said again, this time with anger and force.  "No.  I will not let you leave like this Shuichi… no…"

            "Why are you doing this?"

            "Because, and I am not trying to sound like a hypocrite, not everyone deserves to die.  Some people have purpose.  You do."

            "**_No I don't!" _**Kurama screamed.

**_~*You _**

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**_Hate _**

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**_Everything about me*~_**

****

            "I…" Kuroibara stared.

            "I don't!  Everything I do backfires!  The person I cared for died… he hated me when he died!  He hated what I became… everyone hates what I am… and I do too!  I don't want to be this!  But I can't stop being like this!"

            "There are people that can help…"

            "What can they do?  They can't go into my mind…"  
  


            "I take meds and I feel fine… you can get some, Kurama, we can make it better…"

            "It's more than that, Kuroibara!  It's more than just depression!  It's more than just suicidal thoughts!  It much deeper!"

            "Please!  Just try!"

            "No!  I refuse!"

            "I want to help you!  I don't want you to die!"

            "Why?  Do you suddenly care or something?  Don't tell me you are really depressed… you are surely not…"

            "Look, it's okay to want to die.  But it's another story about when you try… we all want to die because we will sooner or later… but, Shuichi… just…"

            "_I'm not!"_

**_~*I hate_**

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**_You hate_**

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**_I hate_**

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**_You love me*~_**

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            "There are people that love you, Shuichi!  There are people that care about you!  Do you really want to leave them sad like that?"

            "**_Yes!"_**

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**_~*I _**

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**_Hate_**

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**_Everything about you_**

**_Why_**

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**_Do I _**

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**_Love you?*~_**

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That came from my very soul.  I am very mad.  I just had to get that out.  It is a little cliff-hanger like… I guess… but please review to make me feel better…

Thanks…

Peace,♥, and ♂ that look like ♀,

Gabbi:  Queen of Kurama Torture.

© 2004 G:QOFT  ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES.

PS:  FRODO LIVES!

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	8. Memories: Until the Day I Die, Story of...

HeyGabbi:  Wow… I am amazed how this fic is really… well… making people think… I am very happy… I am very glad that you care…

Kurama:  *laughs* I think there's a Kuroibara fanclub…

Gabbi:  C-Kun thought it was a way of spelling Kuwabara… I had to draw him and show him… I really like him… hmm…

Kurama:  Hey, where's you alter egos?

Gabbi:  They are playing ROTK… trying to save Frodo again… they think that 3 heads are better than 1… but I have been trying so hard and the fruits of my labor are nothing… if I was to be timed, Frodo would be dead… hey, does anyone know how to beat Cirith Ungol… if you have any idea, please let me know!

Gamgee X: *screaming* NOOOO~ I KILLED DADDY AGAIN!

**Lunamercury**-  Please understand that that is the point of the fic.  Kurama is stuck in a world of cutting himself.

**Rogue- **I can relate.  Everyone calls me a Goth, but I don't consider myself one.  Yes, I have black nailpolish… my writing has been called Gothic… I wear black all the time… but I don't consider myself a Goth…  I still wear other colors… but most are dark… I am not one to stereotype myself… I just figured that saying "Well, Kurama's pretty much Gothic, here's another Goth" gave it more clarity… this whole fic I was thinking "Shit, I hope no one gets the wrong idea from this fic…" I mean, I am so glad that the Goths that read it didn't get on my case or nothing… I am glad they don't… I am really glad… course; these people told me they were Gothic… I don't know better…

**Dancer of Falling Rain**- O.o; Wow… you are really into this, aren't you?  I am so glad…

**Ghosty and Demo**-  I think this fic can relate to everyone.  We have all been through a time we lost someone… we all had a time that we hated ourselves… we always doubted ourselves.  But I shall save your e-mail address and stuff!  I can give you spoilers XD

**Allie**- YES! GO KURAMA TORTURE!!!

**Johanna Gen- **You made me reread my fic!  I guess it was pretty emotional… but thanks sooo much!  I love these deep comments!

Oh, and the person that reviewed _Haunted _and told me to admit that I hate Kurama, please stop reading my fanfics, or talk to my Kurama shrine.

That's all!  Here's the next chapter!

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Numb:  I Can't Feel You There 

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**_Chapter 8:  Memories, Story of the Year, Until the Day I Die_**

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**_***_**

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**_~*Until the Day I die,_**

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**_I'll spill my Heart for you, for you*~_**

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            "Don't you dare give me that shit, Shuichi," Kuroibara snarled, suddenly changing his personality.  It was like a new person took him over.  "Don't you dare do that shit.  Don't you dare."

            "What are you going to do about it?" Kurama smiled.

            "This," Kuroibara said as he walked over and wrapped his finger's around his neck.  

            "What the hell are you doing?!" Kurama screamed.

            "So you really want to die?" Kuroibara asked.  "Are you _sure?"_

            Kurama panicked.  This was not the same Kuroibara that was just concerned about him!

**_~*Until the day I die,_**

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**_I'll spill my heart for you*~_**

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            "What are you doing?!" Kurama screamed.

            "Answer me, Shuichi, do you want to die?" Kuroibara looked at him, emotionless.

            "I do… but…"  

            "Death is forever."

            "_No!  It's not!"_

"That so?"

            "Yes!" 

            "How so?"

            "I… I cheated it… now I want to repay my debt… I want to die… but not by your innocent hands, Kuroibara… not by yours… you have hope… I don't!"

            Kuroibara let go of his neck.  "I see.  I thought so."

            He sat down.  "I am sorry that I scared you."

            "You didn't scare me… you just… shocked me… what happened?"

            "I was just thinking about the time that… no… you don't want to hear that story… it's too much like yours…"

            "Tell me."

**_~*As years go by,_**

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**_I raced the clock with you*~_**

****

            Kuroibara took his scarred arms and thin hands and brought them to his face and hair.  "I wasn't always like this… honest… I had a family… and a younger sister… my God… I love my little sister… her name was Lily-Anne… I loved her so much that… I thought I could never lose her…  I was stupid… she was a rat running on a wheel… she was going to stop and fall in place…"

            Kurama watched as he saw a tear form in Kuroiibara's eyes.  

            "Lily-Anne… she was an angel… she was my mother and father's favorite… they hated me, but because Lily-Anne and me were so close, they didn't do anything to her."

            Kurama was really interested now.  Favorites…

**_~*But you know that if you died,_**

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**_I'd die too*~_**

****

            "Lily-Anne got sick…" Kuroibara whispered.  "She got really sick… and no one knew why… and no one would get help… and no one would listen… and I couldn't see her… for the 6 months she was sick… she died… I couldn't go to her wake, I couldn't go to her funeral… I couldn't bring myself to do it… they later found out that she had cancer… _cancer!_  Shuichi, they could've saved her!  She could've lived!"

            Kurama stared at him.  "Kuroibara… you couldn't help her… you were yet a child… you couldn't and you know it…

            "How can you be sure, Shuichi?" Kuroibara sobbed, suddenly having tears in his eyes.  "I promised to be with her no matter what!  I made an oath!  And now if it broken… like all the other promises I made to her… I told her that no matter what I would protect her… and look what happened!  I am worthless and I did nothing to save her!  Do you know how horrible it feels to be worthless?  You were always cared of by the women at our school… people loved you… and now here you are… wanting to die… guess what, Shuichi?  There is always a better man.  There is always a man in worse condition… there always is… so I try not to pity myself… but you just sink in it…"

            Kurama stared at him.  "Kuroibara…"

**_~*I'd die too*~_**

****

            "I live so I can see her again… so I can piss my parents off… so I can show the world I am no pussy!  I am no person that backs out!  And yet, you, who I always thought was strong, want to die.  Guess what, _we all do_.  That's life.  People succeed, but do you think they are happy?  No.  They are rotting in Hell… where they belong… do you really want to be like that, Shuichi?  Do you really want to rot in Hell?"

            "…_Yes…" _Kurama whispered in a tiny voice.  "Yes… I want to…"

**_~*You remind me of the times I knew who I was (I was)*~_**

****

            Kuroibara shook his head.

            "I used to think like you, Kuroibara… honest, I did… I lived for the sake of time… I didn't care what happened… I just lived… and if I died… I guess that would be it… I'd just take things as they came… but I can't stand it anymore…"

**_~*But still the second hand will catch us,_**

****

**_Like it always does*~_**

****

            The clock ticked.

            Kurama turned to it.  It was well over 3:00.  

            "And we have school…" Kuroibara sighed.  "Doesn't matter… I don't need sleep…"

            Kurama looked at the room and everything.  He saw the destruction he had caused.... he felt remorse for what he did… just because Kuroibara took him in, didn't mean that he had to get into this.

            Kuroibara started to pick out the forks and knives from the walls.  He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair.  "You got good aim…"

            Kurama looked at him.  "Stop… please… I'll clean it up… really…"

            "Nah," Kuroibara said.  "Go to sleep…"

            "No," Kurama said quietly.

            "Please?"

            "No."

            "Fine… insomniac…"

**_~*We'll make the same mistakes,_**

****

**_I'll take the fall for you*~_**

****

            Kurama started to shakily clean up.  He chipped off the dried blood on the knives, and tried to salvage the picture that had fallen.  He sniffed away what he thought could be tears.  It was a little girl that he assumed was Lily-Anne.

            He looked at Kuroibara, who was working hard.

            "I'm sorry…" he whispered.

**_~*I hope you need this now,,_**

****

**_Cause I know I do*~_**

****

            Kurama handed him the picture.  "Here.  I figured that you'd want this…"

            Kuroibara took the picture.  "Thanks."

            "I'm sorry… I didn't know… I didn't know…"

            "It's fine…"

**_~*Until the day I die (Until the day I die)_**

****

**_I spill my heart for you*~_**

****

            "Kuroibara…"

            "Yes?"

            "If… if you want to… if you want me to help you meet Lily-Anne… I can help you…"

            "I am sorry, Shuichi, I don't believe killing me will solve much."

            "I don't… I mean…"

            Kurama wanted to help him.  Kuroibara was a nice kid.  His story was sad and he wanted to help somehow… it could only mean Koenma… he didn't care… he wanted Kuroibara to be happy, so when he died, at least he wouldn't be miserable.

(A/N:  I am listening to _I Miss You_… what's the name of the guitarist of that band again?!  He's hot!)

**_~*Until the Day I die (Until the Day I die)_**

****

**_I'll spill my heart for you*~_**

****

            Kurama looked at Kuroibara.  "I want to help you… really…"

            "Please… don't… you need help…"

            Kurama nodded.

**_~*Should I bite my tongue? _**

****

**_Until the blood soaks my shirt*~_**

****

            Kurama helped pick up the shards of glass.  Some of them even pricked him.  But he didn't care… he accidentally (of course, we can't be sure) bit his tongue.

            He felt some blood on the corner of his neck.  He sighed.

**_~*We'll never fall apart_**

****

**_Tell me why this hurts so much?*~_**

****

            He wiped the blood away.  He had an image of Kuroibara slashed and burned.  Entirely mutilated.  "What am I doing?!" 

**_~*My hands are around your neck,_**

****

**_And I think that I hate you*~_**

****

            Kurama ran to Kuroibara.  "WHY AM I DOING THIS?!"

            He started to choke him.  "WHY?!"

            "SHUICHI!" Kuroibara gasped.  "LEMME GO!"

            Kurama stared at him.  "Why do I act like this, why?!  Why did Hiei die, Kuroibara?!  Why did he die?!"

~*But still we'll say, "remember when"  
Just like we always do  
Just like we always do*~

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            "Because he probably didn't want to see you like this!  He loved you too much to see you in pain!  Now I really think that your friendship was more than just good friends!  Shuichi!  Please!  Let go of my neck!"

            Kurama screamed.  The shards of glass on his fingertips dug into Kuroibara's sensitive skin on his neck.  "Oh Inari!  No!"

            He quickly let go.  "No!"  
  


~*Until the Day I die (Until the Day I die)

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**_I'll spill my heart for you*~_**

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            "Kuroibara!  Are you okay?!  Please be okay!" Kurama gasped.

            "I'm… I'm fine…" Kuroibara whispered.

            Kurama stared at him.  "What am I doing…"

            He was so hurt and dazed.

~*Until the Day I die (Until the Day I die)

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**_I'll spill my heart for you*~_**

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            "I understand… you don't mean to do what you do… I know you don't… I'm alright…"

            Kuroibara laughed.  "You gave me a rose, remember that."

            Kurama just stared.

~*Yeah I'd spill my heart!

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**_Yeah I'd spill my heart for you!!*~_**

****

            Kurama walked over and took a seed from his hair.  With all his heart, he started to cleanse and heal Kuroibara's wounds.

            "What are you…"

            "Shh."

**_~*My hands are around your throat_**

****

**_And I think that I hate you*~_**

****

            "I was thinking… Kuroibara… if you really want to… put your hands around my neck…"

            Kuroibara gasped.  "What?!"

            "I want to die… and I know you want me to… and you want to as well… let's strangle ourselves… is that okay?" Kurama was smiling brightly as he said this.

            Kuroibara looked at him nervously.  "That's as bad as suicide!"

            "So?" Kurama smiled.  "I can help you live again… and start over…"

            He remembered his knowing of the Grim Reaper and the Prince of the Dead… with this he could help Kuroibara live a new life how he deserved… and he could rest in peace.

            "Are… but… Shuichi, I…"

            "Please?"

**_~*We make the same mistakes,_**

****

**_Just like Friends do*~_**

****

            Kuroibara grabbed Kurama's neck.  Kurama grabbed Kuroibara's.

            "Come on… let's see who will die first…" Kurama smiled.

            "Ja ne… daichi…" Kuroibara murmured as he started to squeeze.

            Kurama did the same.

**_~*My hands are around your throat,_**

****

**_And I think that I hate you*~_**

****

            Kurama felt some thrill by strangling Kuroibara.  Kuroibara smiled as he started to pale.

            Kurama laughed, but lost breath.  He had a good grip.

**_~*We make the same mistakes,_**

****

**_Just like friends do*~_**

****

            Kurama felt like he was blacking out.  Kuroibara felt dazed.

            They were losing it… how could a boy that was a fox in disguise and a boy who was preaching about life want to kill each other…?

            Time…

            Time ticked away at their insanity.

**_~*Until the Day I die_**

****

**_I'll spill my heart for you, for you*~_**

****

            And that's what was scary.  Kurama lost it before, and it just took another person similar to him for Kuroibara to do so.  They were smiling as they were dying…

            Kurama hit the floor with a smile on his face, though he knew he was not dead.  But he definitely helped reunite someone… he could feel it… as he passed out…

 ~***_Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you, for you  
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
I'll spill my heart for you  
Until the day I die (Until the day I die)  
Until the day I die!!!*~_**

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**_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_**

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I know I am getting flames for this one.  Basically, Kuroibara died… yeah… or is he not?  Will he be reunited?  And how will Kurama feel when he wakes up?  What the hell am I doing?!  Please review and find out!

Peace, Love, and Guys that look like Girls,

Gabbi:  Queen of Kurama Torture

© 2002-4 G:QOKT, ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

PS:  Frodo Lives!

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	9. Haunted: Silver and Cold, AFI

Gabbi:  My, _my… _I must say that this is quite the fic… I never had quick popularity… I get 11 reviews per chapter on this baby!

**Bleubell- Umm**… well… I think so…*watches* 

**Hiten**- Nooow you're catching on… Happy endings?  *sweatdrops*

**Youko-love**-  *opens envelope* and the award for best supporting OC in a fanfic is… KUROIBARA XDDD;

**Dancer**- I wasn't really planning on doing it, but most of my fics are altered by the song lyrics.  The strangling was something I had used when I studied the lyrics closely, so I like this thrill I get from randomly reading cool song lyrics.

**Maya- **sometimes you just gotta take a chance ^_^ I am an LP freak, too… so whenever the lyrics are on, I try to read it anyway… I don't really think the HxK is that strong, though… considering that my earlier fics were very romantic… that's what I noticed at least… they are less romantic now and get into the mind than the heart… so you can really feel the pain?  I thought I was the only one… (AND YES! FRODO ROXS MAH SOXS!)

**Johanna- **OI!  I am not some emotionless creature!  And you are not shallow!  **_HAPPY BIRTHDAY! _** C'mon guys!  Let's all wish her a happy B-day!

Kurama:  Happy (belated) Birthday…

Kuroibara:  Hai ^_^

Gamgee X:  Eat, drink, and be merry…

Merry:  *terribly confused*

**Allie- **Your sick humor entertains me… I have to agree… if killing idiots was legal, I'd have a job… and there would be pretty much no one in my school… but that's okay…

Heh, the insane persona of an authoress… it's really funny…

**Kaya- **Thank you, Kaya-Chan!  You really can?  Oh… Frodo shall be tortured on Thursday ^.^

Thanks Minna-san!  This song is _Silver and Cold_ by the band with the coolest music vid, AFI.

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Numb:  I Can't Feel You There 

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**_Chapter 9:  Haunted, Silver and Cold, AFI_**

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**_***_**

**_~*I… I came here by day*~_**

****

            Kurama awoke by the light of the sun.  He was in a hospital room… once again… just like before…

            First thing that came to mind was Kuroibara.

            "Kuroibara…"

            He ran out of bed, ripping off all wires of IV and things off of him.

**_~*But I left here in darkness*~_**

****

            Kurama opened the door.

            The halls were pitched black.  

            "But… the sun was out!" Kurama yelled.  "The sun was shining… and AH!"

            He was shoved to the ground, the door suddenly slamming shut.

            "Where am I?!  Kuroibara?!  Hiei?!  YOUKO!  YOUKO ARE YOU THERE?!"

**_~*And found you, and found you on the way*~_**

****

            He saw someone in the distance.  He ran, realizing he went through a costume changed.  He wore a Gothic outfit.  Black surrounded him.  He ran, not caring how or why it happened.  He felt camouflaged against the darkness.

            The figure became a girl.  She wore a long silver dress with a round pearl ball.  She wore her hair tied by a silver bow.  Her hair was black, tinted silver.  She wore Easter-like shoes, you know, the good ones that little girls clop around in church with perfect stockings, crisp white until noon.  She didn't look at him.

            She bounced the ball up and down.  "He didn't see you when he died…"

            "What do you mean?" Kurama asked, scared.

            "He didn't see you… it was too dark… and you were like to night… he saw nothing but darkness when he died…" she whispered.

**_~*And now it is silver and silent*~_**

****

            She looked at him, her eyes turned from the light blue they were, to deep silver.

            "Come back, Kurama!  Come back before Hell takes you too!"

            "What do you mean?!" Kurama screamed.  "Hell?!  Kuroibara didn't go to Hell!"

            "I won't ever see my brother anymore, Kurama!  I will never see him again!"

**_~*It is silver and cold*~_**

****

            "No!  He didn't!"

            "His soul is rotting, Kurama!  You promised that we would meet again!  But we didn't, Kurama!  His soul had not been redeemed, and he is dead!"

            "I didn't… I didn't want this to happen!  I didn't mean to!"

            It became suddenly cold.  "You… you must be Lily-Anne…"

            "Yes… Lily-Anne, the unrestful soul!" she cried.  "Kuroibara was going to protect me forever!  But he is in Hell!  I am never going to see my brother again!  Never!"

            "No… this is not happening…" Kurama whispered.  "No!  I was helping!  I was helping!"

            For once, Kurama could not redeem his soul.  He failed, and not a slight miscalculation, he broke the future of someone.

            He fell on the floor.  "Why don't these damn shadows consume me…"

            "Because you still have 'hope', believe it or not…" Lily-Anne growled.  "You can do something, Kurama…"

**_~*You, in somber resplendence, I hold*~_**

****

            Kurama looked at her.  "What?"

            Youko came from the shadows.

            "Get the hell away from me," Kurama choked out.  "Get away!"

            Youko held him.  "Kurama, onegai… please come back… you can't stay like this… save yourself…"

            "I made someone that cared Hell-bent…" Kurama whispered.  "How can I redeem myself…"

            "You need to realize that killing or Death is not the answer," Lily-Anne said.  "You know that you became human to save yourself.  And you know that you want to not do this so much…"

            "I do…" Kurama snapped.  "No brat will tell me not to."

            Lily-Anne bounced her ball.  "It won't matter to me… you only made it worse… not better…. I really don't care."

**_~*Your sins into me,_**

****

**_Oh my beautiful one*~_**

****

            "Kurama… please… let's try and save ourselves… together…" Youko begged.

            Kurama turned the other way.  "I rather die… I'd rather **_die_** than ever having to face my fears like that…"

**_~*Your sins into me*~_**

****

            Kurama ran.  

            "_Dead, dead, dead… Kuroibara is dead…" _Lily-Anne's haunting voice scared Kurama.

****

**_~*As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer*~_**

****

            Kurama shook off the whispers and giggles and glares.  He whispered prayers to save himself, not caring the effects.

**_~*And I'll beg for forgiveness*~_**

****

            _'I'm sorry, Kuroibara,' _he thought, '_I'm sorry that you had to go to Hell… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"_

Tears stung at his eyes, but he did not cry.  Only the weak cry.  Only the ones who don't want to die cry…

~*(Your sins into me) Your sins into me  
Oh, my beautiful one*~

****

            "I give up… I give up…" Kurama hissed.  "I give up… I don't want to live anymore… save my soul, someone… save my soul… I just want to disappear… I want to _die! _ Can't they ale this?!"

~*Light, like the flutter of wings, feel your hollow voice rushing into me  
As you're longing to sing*~

****

            _"Dead, dead, dead, Kuroibara is dead…"_

Kurama screamed.  "**_Stop!"_**

~*So I... I will paint you in silver, I will wrap you in cold  
I will lift up your voice as I sink*~

****

****His costume changed to total silver robes.  It was like cold metal across his skin. 

            _"Sing, Kurama, sing to save your soul…"_

            And so, Kurama gave in and sang:

~*Your sins into me  
Oh, my beautiful one, now  
Your sins into me  
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer  
And I'll beg for forgiveness  
(Your sins into me) Your sins into me*~

****

            "I am just some puppet now…" Kurama whispered.  "What am I doing…"

            Youko held him close. Kurama was helpless.

**_~*Cold in life's throws, I'll fall asleep for you*~_**

****

            Kurama felt tired.  Maybe what they say is true… humans can't do anything… humans are stupid… humans are depressed bags of shit that bitch about everything and want to die, something that will happen to them sooner or later…

**_~*In life's cold throws, I ask you to turn away*~_**

****

****'_I'm so pathetic… maybe it was good that Hiei died before me… I am giving in… I am giving in…'_

            "It's not giving in… if you don't try to struggle out…" Youko said.

            Kurama tried to push out but gave up.  "Ah… what's the use…"

            "Kurama… this is not giving in… this is not giving in…" Youko repeated himself.

            "It is… shut up…" Kurama whispered.  "Shut up…"

**_~*Cold in life's throws, I'll fall asleep for you_**

**_Cold in life's throws, I only ask you turn*~_**

****

            "It's a good thing Hiei is gone…" Kurama said out loud.  "He'd hang my head to see me like this… I wanna wake up… I wanna wake up!"

**_~*As they seep into me… oh my beautiful one*~_**

****

            "Kurama… do not let your suffering bear a heavy cross against you… let me take care of this… please…."

            "It was my fault.  You stay out of this."

**_~*Your sins into me_**

**_Oh my beautiful one now*~_**

****

            "Please…" Youko took Kurama's smaller head.  "Please, Kurama… you don't deserve this… and you know it… and you know it…"

            "Why?  How?  Why do I not deserve it?  How do I know I don't?"

**_~*Your sins into me*~_**

****

            "That, Kurama… you will realize someday soon… you just have to keep going to find out…"

            Kurama sighed.  "Shrouded in mystery… just like before…"

****

~*As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer  
And I'll beg for forgiveness*~

            "It's not as bad as you think… it could be far worse… and you know it…"

            Youko hugged him closer.

            "…And you know it…"

            Kurama closed his eyes.

**_~*(Your sins into me) Your sins into …*~_**

****

            "I want to know how you do… I want to know how you know this…."

            "Just sleep and you shall learn someday…"

            "But Kuroibara and Lily-Anne…"

            "You are human… you can't help some things… just close your eyes…"

**_~*(Your sins into me) Your sins into me*~_**

****

            "That's it…" Youko whispered to Kurama as he dozed off.  "That's it… you are just too beautiful to have to go through this pain… you are too beautiful…"

**_~*Oh my beautiful one*~_**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Don't you just love the way that my fics tend to go to a new pairing or something?  Well, please R&R!

**NEXT SONG**:  Unless you don't want me to… I might lay it down a bit… I am secretly a matchbox 20 fan… and I may do _Unwell _un less you don't want me to… I might just download a Godsmack song or two… maybe… nerg ^^;

Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all who are Irish… I am not… so neeeeeerg! =P

© Gabbi:  Queen of Kurama Torture 2002-4

A Daichi Production

FRODO LIVES!!

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	10. Insanity: Unwell, Matchbox 20

Gabbi:  O_O

Minna:  *gasping*

Gabbi:  WE DID IT! 100 REVIEWS!!  THANK YOU!  *glomps*

Minna:  I don't know how she did it…

**Ghosty and Demo- Could** you really send me the file?  Thanks _so _much if you could!

**TheUnlovedOutcast- **I take it you like this fic?

I have done sketches to _Numb.  _When the fic is done, I will send to anyone who asks!

**Allie- **I don't find that weird… I listen to a lot of music that is loud to help me sleep…

Thank you!  Thank you!  *gives out roses and chocolate frogs*

BTW- Thanks for the positive input for using _Unwell_.  I thought people were going to say "Don't use it!  Not with Linkin Park!" but it seems people didn't mind!  Thank you!

**WARNING:  **This chapter gets really graphic… I hope you don't get scared… Kurama ain't so innocent…

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Numb:  I Can't Feel You There 

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**_Chapter 10: Insanity, Unwell, matchbox 20_**

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**_***_**

**_~*All Day,_**

**_Staring at the ceiling making, _**

Friends with shadows on the wall*~ 

            Kurama awoke, wondering if he was still dreaming.  But he couldn't have.  Could he?  He was so confused and hurt.  He needed human contact, but didn't want it.  He wanted to talk to someone, but he didn't want them to be real.

            It must've been night again, for the shadows loomed over-head, the streetlight casting them like puppets.  He watched them curl and bend, whirl and dance, around the white walls, the glowed with a threatening look.  He laid there, his eyes just shifting with the shadows… he felt torn and useless… what was his purpose?

            "I never did do anything worth while as a human… what did I ever do… I never saved anyone really… I was just there… no one will care if I go… oh Inari-sama… what did I do?  Kuroibara is dead because of me… Hiei is dead because of me… they are gone forever, and I remain.  I hate this… can't they kill me… can't they kill me…?"

**_~*All night,_**

**_Hearing voices telling me that I should get some sleep,_**

**_Cuz tomorrow I might be good,_**

**_For something*~_**

'**_Go to sleep Kurama…'_** Youko whispered.

'_No…' Kurama told himself. 'No.  What good is waiting in my nightmares?  Kuroibara burning in Hell, waiting for me to join…?'_

He turned over.  '_No sleep tonight…'_

**_~*Hold on,_**

**_I could be heading for a,_**

**_Break down,_**

Like I lost my mind*~ 

            He stared at the walls again.  "What is the point… what is the point of living… of trying to enjoy life… when all you will remember… is the pains of the people that got hurt because of you… what do you do?  How will you survive?"

            The questions floated away, not to be answered.

            He felt himself cry, without warning.  "Hah… so this is really how it feels to be alone…"

            He got up and nearly tumbled.  He ripped off the IV wires, just like before.

            "Am I to meet that child again?" he laughed.

**_~*But I'm not crazy,_**

**_I'm just a little unwell,_**

**_I know,_**

**_Right now you can't tell,_**

**_But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see,_**

A different side of me*~ 

            He opened it up.  "Lookit that… it's a hospital… it's a hospital…"

            He took out a rose from his hair, the red hair barely visible through his roots of his hair.

            The rose was black, the lightest of red at the point that the pedals began.  He laughed and yipped, "Rosewhip!"

            He laughed as it became a whip and looked at a nurse.  He took the nurse's head off.  He thought he heard the nurse's head scream.

            Someone turned their head.  He lost his head, too.

            Someone screamed.  They lost their head.

            Another tried to call someone on their cell phone.  Good bye.

            Kurama smiled wildly.  "Doesn't matter now!  No one will be _alive_ for my own funeral!"

(A/N: You _know _I just saw the Doctor YYH episodes…)

            "It's fine!" Kurama yelled.  "This won't last long!"

**_~*I'm not crazy,_**

**_I'm just a little impaired,_**

**_I know,_**

**_Right now you don't care,_**

**_But soon enough you're gonna think of me,_**

**_And how I used to be*~_**

****

            He felt like his legs were to give out, and they did.  He fell to the ground, surrounded in a pool of someone else's blood.  He laid there for an hour, until someone got help.  The blood soon cooled… and it was just cold, seeping into his hospital gown.  It just seeped in more and more… until it was red.  He felt the dead body against his, the rosewhip long-since gone.  He had no evidence against him… he was insane… and there was no proof of him doing anything… in fact, the people thought he too was dead… he looked it too… but he giggled when they shook him.  

            "My God…" an officer gasped.  "I don't think that's his blood…!"

            "This was a massacre!  Sure, can you tell us who did this?"

            Kurama looked up at them.  He suddenly changed from insanity to fear.  "N… no… I don't… get me out of here… please…"

**_~*See me,_**

**_Talking to myself in public,_**

**_And dodging glances on the train*~_**

****

            "…We will… we will…"

            "…Why didn't I just go and die…" Kurama asked himself, so silent, no one heard him.

**_~*I know,_**

**_I know that they've been talking 'bout me,_**

**_I can hear them whisper,_**

**_And it makes me think there must be something wrong*~_**

****

            "…Do you think he is sane…?" an officer whispered.  

            "…I don't know… we was not too far from the mental wing… but he's hurt…" the other whispered back.

            "Is this what our children have been degraded to?  Prozac-popping?"

            "I am afraid so…"

**_~*Out of all the hours,_**

**_Thinking,_**

**_Somehow,_**

**_I've lost my mind*~_**

****

            "…What was I thinking when I decided to become human…" Kurama whispered again.  "I have to get out of here… there has to be something that I thought of…"

            He closed his eyes and reopened them.  "There's got to be…"

**_~*But I'm not crazy,_**

**_I'm just a little unwell,_**

**_I know,_**

**_Right now you can't tell,_**

**_But stay awhile and soon you'll see,_**

**_A different side of me*~_**

****

            Kurama was then moved to a different hospital.   It was on the other side of the city.  He woke up, being held.

            "Who… who is doing this…"

            "Shuichi!"

            Shiori hugged her son tightly in her arms.  "I was afraid you would never awake from your slumber…."

            "What do you mean…?" Kurama begged, sleepily.  

            "You have been asleep. Shuichi, they are unsure of you now… Shuichi… tell me… did you murder all those people in the hospital?"

            There were tears in her worn-out eyes.  Her wrinkles laid out on her face like riverbeds, unstill, but all seeing.  She waited for him to answer.

            "…I… I didn't kill those people.  That was not me…"

**_~*I'm not crazy,_**

**_I'm just a little impaired,_**

**_I know,_**

**_Right now you don't care,_**

**_But stay awhile,_**

**_And then you'll think of me,_**

**_And how I used to be*~_**

****

            "That was not me…" Kurama said again, tears welling in his eyes.  "It couldn't have been… Kassan… hold me now… hold me now…"

            Shiori hugged him, rocking him back and forth.  "It's okay, Shu-Chan… oh just hang on… we can get you help!  You will get better!  You will get better and never remember this!"

            "…I don't want to… I want to remember this…"

            "Well… then I guess that is okay, too… that is fine… just sleep… just lay down… and rest…"

            Kurama closed his eyes.  "No one can forget what I did…"

**_~*I've been talking in my sleep,_**

**_Pretty soon they'll come to get me*~_**

****

            "…They're going to lock me up… just because I was stupid…"

            "No… they won't…" Shiori said.  "You won't go to some Nut House… you are a normal boy…"

            "…No…"

**_~*I'm not crazy,_**

**_I'm just a little unwell,_**

**_I know,_**

**_Right now you can't tell,_**

**_But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see,_**

**_A different side of me,_**

****

**_I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired,_**

**_I know, right now you don't care,_**

**_But stay awhile and then you'll think of me,_**

**_And how I used to be*~_**

****

"No… I am not okay…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dude… I feel like crap… I have a bad cold… please review.  Reviews make me feel better.  I feel so much like shit…

**NEXT SONG:  **We can definitely hope for Godsmack, should the file work from Ghosty and Demo ^~^ (I can't smile cuz it hurts my face a lot…) and  maybe another Linkin Park song… I so wanted to do _My December_, but it is April… and I have a lot of conflicting ideas cuz I can't think straight… my head hurts… see ya…

Peace, Love, and Guys that Look Like Girls,

Gabbi, Queen of Kurama Torture

Or

Shit-Feeling Girl

****


	11. Truth: I'm Not Okay, I Promise, My Chem...

_Hilo peoples! Welcome to chapter 11 for Numb! Over my little hiatus I got some hate mail. I'll tell those people indirectly that C-Kun and I laughed our heads off and we took a poll in my school... I am not a locust. But I am not going to waste my energy on hatemail like that. If you don't like the content, don't read it. I understand that there are some twisted topics in my work (Broken Toy is dawning on its anniversary) and I know I am not sane. But who cares!_

_Thank you sooo much to Kitsune Kurama, I love your lovemail. C-Kun and I liked it. So did Kuro-Chan and Momo-Chan and all of my daichi. We love all of our reviewers lots! You all rock our socks!_

_This chapter I found the perfect song for. Taking the last line from the last chapter, I am doing this one to a little song called "I'm not Okay (I Promise)" PLEASE LOOK UP MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!! THEY ARE MY FAVE BAND NEXT TO AFI! Woot! Go Davey and Gerrald! Woot Woot! Men with eyeshadow! Woot Woot! LOL_

_Note: I originally tried to write this chapter to Nine Inch Nail's "Head Like A Hole". You'd think NIN would be perfect, but it came out bad. I deleted the chapter, so mo "lost chapters" at the end of this story, okay?_

--

**Numb: I Can't Feel You There**

_**Chapter 11: Truth, My Chemical Romance, I'm Not Okay (I Promise)**_

--

"You _are_ okay, Shu-Kun! I... I promise!" Shiori swore to her son.

_**Well if you wanted honesty that's all you had to say**_

Kurama stared blankly, his emerald eyes seeming so much darker. He was dazed.

_**I never want to let you down, or have you go, it's better off this way**_

"Shuichi... I don't want you to leave me," Shiori explained, "I love you. I love you so much. I love you too much to have you go to some mental ward. You don't need to go there, you just have to be home."

Kurama stared at the covers on his bed. Home? Home? Where his room was ruined? Home? Where he shattered a window just to make himself feel better? Home? Where Hiei used to stop by and they'd waste away in the moonlight?

"...maybe it's better if I go..." he finally whispered.

"No! No, Shuichi, you can't! Oh my Shu-Kun! You can't leave me!" she pleaded.

"Kassan... there's a monster in me... Kassan..."

"Nonsense!" she gasped, "Nonsense, Shuichi!"

Kurama clutched the covers. "There... there is Kassan..." Tears fell. "There's a monster... there's a monster!"

_**For all the dirty looks,**_

_**The photographs your boyfriend took,**_

_**Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor**_

_**I'm not okay**_

_**I'm not okay **_

_**I'm not okay**_

_**You wear me out**_

"Kassan!" Kurama continued, "You must understand! I'm crazy! I'm crazy! I lost my mind! I'm not okay! I'm not okay! I swear! I swear!"

"Stop it," Shiori snapped, "Do you know what they do in those Nut Houses? They lock you up, you don't wear shoes, you don't wear colors or black. You sit in a white room and have people hovering over you wherever you go. They make sure you don't drown in the toilet and you don't choke on your food! Do you want that, Shuichi? Do you want that?"

"Kassan, stop it!" Kurama screamed, "Stop it! You're wearing me out with this feeling that I am normal, I never was normal! I never will be normal!"

He began to have swelling cases of sobs. "Do... do you know... what it's like... to live a lie?"

_**What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?**_

_**(I'm not Okay)**_

"What are you talking about?" Shiori said, angrily.

"I am not supposed to be here... I was a theif... I was a theif..." he mumbled.

_'Oh dear God, no... please... he can't be really crazy... _Shiori thought. _Please no..._

_**I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means**_

_**(I'm not okay)**_

"Kassan, just listen to me!" he screamed. "Kassan! I'm telling the truth!"

Shiori shook her head. She was giving in to everything that she said she wouldn't.

Her son... her perfect, perfect, son, was crazy.

_**So be a joke and look, another line without a hook, remember when we both shook for the last time TAKE A GOOD HARD LOOK!**_

Kurama cried louder and he wailed. Shiori reacted the best way possible. She went over to Kurama and hugged him again. "Shh... shhh..."

Both were shaking, both were scared. Both were confused. They didn't know what to do.

_**I'm not okay **_

_**I'm not okay**_

_**I'm not okay**_

_**You wear me out**_

A nurse came in, her wide eyes full of fear. She quickly turned and ran to the front desk.

"I think we need a doctor... no... a phycitrist here..."

_**Forget about the dirty looks,**_

_**The photographs your boyfriend took,**_

_**You say you read me like a book,**_

_**But the pages all are torn and frayed**_

Shiori blocked it all out. She stroaked Kurama's head. "Oh... oh God... why... why you... why you, Shuichi? I thought I knew all there was to know about you... but... but..."

She sobbed.

_**I'm okay... **_

_**I'm OKAY**_

_**I'm okay now**_

_**(I'm okay now)**_

_**But you really need to listen to me,**_

_**Because what I'm telling you is the truth,**_

_**I mean this, I'M OKAY**_

**Trust me**

Kurama sighed. Maybe if he pause it all here for one moment, he would be okay. He would really be okay with Shiori just holding him so gently. Nobody would be in this freeze frame besides themselves. That'd be okay.

**_I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
Well, I'm not okay  
I'm not o-fucking-kay  
I'm not okay  
I'm not okay  
(Okay)_**

Yeah, that'd be okay... if Kurama wasn't so messed up.

--

_Finito for now! I hope you liked it alot and review me to make me feel better! Luvies!_

_Rock On!_


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